The Poll-tergeist

The Washington Post Gaslights With Numbers

Note to readers: I am honored to have crossed the 2000 subscriber mark in just a few months. I enjoy sharing my wit and wisdom for free, but I do publish occasional special issues on important topics of the moment to reward my paying subscribers. Today, I am sharing my educated and informed analysis of the freaky Washington Post poll that puts Trump 10 points ahead of Biden. I bring to this column decades of experience covering American politics from Washington, New York and most of the contiguous states. Please consider a paid subscription, it costs less than a Happy Meal a month.

This morning, the Washington Post published the results of a poll of slightly more than a thousand white and Hispanic Americans, who were reached by landline (!) and cellphone. The pollsters found Defendant Donald J. Trump (recipient of 91 criminal indictments, promiser of pardons to fascists) to be favored OVER President Joe Biden (not indicted anywhere, presiding over a thriving economy) by ten percentage points. The most outrageous number is the claim that Trump runs 20 percent ahead among voters under age 35. This suggests that either the people who answered their landlines pretended to be Millenials, or the actual young people who answered a cell phone call from an unidentified number were high or joking or were an isolated cell of baby christofascists at a church camp in Alabama. Because one thing we know for sure is that almost no young people answer voice calls, even from their own parents or friends.

The news annoyed and angered many American political observers. It has no doubt alarmed the majority of American voters who I trust (yes, I do trust) are decent, law-abiding men and women not fully brainwashed by Fox or infected with the Q virus, who are paying attention.

What Gives?

Full Freakshow issue below.